" I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you. I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:20
Friday, Jan. 15 - The worst words that have been ever spoken to me - " I do not see a heartbeat. I am so sorry".
Tears began to flow down my cheeks as I looked up at my husband and saw the tears flowing down his face too. Next began 2 hours of tests and waiting just to tell us the same awful news. I could not believe it. I carried Abbie with no problems, this really could not be true.
I sat with my husband in the car, looking for a place to eat lunch. I was not even hungry but knew I should eat it was way past lunch time. As I sat in the car, thinking and praying. God began to show me his guiding hand through the past 3 awful hours. I just so happend to get my favorite doctor for a last minute appointment. This doctor is hard to schedule an appointment with 2 months out. Then this same doctor just so happend to be the doctor on call tomm. He could perform a D & C early in the next morning and end this awful day. This all happened on a Friday and I had a 4 day weekend to rest. I did not have to worry about sub plans or school. Steve and I had already planned a fun family trip on Tuesday. Boy, I knew that would be a fun day.
As I began to think of how God had provided for Steve and I through the last few hours, I began to be filled with hope. Now instead of being filled with grief and sorrow. I began to be filled with hope and excitement. I began to think about not having to work summer school now, Family Fun Friday, being able to go to Delanco, getting to go on my family vacation to VA, beach trips with Abbie, my best friends family could now visit this summer. Wow, I was excited about this summer.
I began to thank God for the amazing blessings he gives me each day. I have an amazing husband, wonderful daughter, beautiful house, great family, Steve and I both have jobs we enjoy! My heart began to change from sorrow to love for my amazing God who has taken away my sorrow and filled my heart with love and hope.
Every once in awhile I have a sad moment but then God reminds me of his love for me and the many blessing I have and are still to come. I was able to come home from the hospital Sat. morning and laugh, smile, and play with Abbie because I knew I had a God who is bigger then disappointment. A God who looks after me and gives me hope for our future!
Thank you God for filling my heart with hope and love when I could have harden my heart with sadness and grief. Thank you for being with me every moment of the day and providing my every need!
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1 comment:
Andrea, this is beautiful! When I heard I was so sad for you guys, but I'm glad that you can see God's hand through all of this. I know it's really tough for me to do that when I go through hard times, and the fact that the two of you have so much faith during this time gives me hope that I can do the same. I love you so much!
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